Tuesday 16 November 2010

There's no one more American than we

(I can't believe no one's transcribed the lyrics yet.)

S.C.: I love America. I may not win any awards for saying this, sir, but I love this country, and do you know why?

J.S.: Why do you love this country, sir?

S.C.: 'Cause on my calendar, each day is the Fourth of July
If you cut me open, I bleed apple pie
Lady Liberty's the hottest girl that I've ever seen
I would totally hit that if I were tall and green

America is perfect and there's nothing to fix
My PIN code is 1776
Americans will deep-fry anything
And that is why I sing…

That it's the greatest, strongest country in the world
That it's the greatest, strongest country in the world
From the north, to south, to east, to west and diagonally
There's no one more American than me!

J.S.: I agree!

But I've got just as much right to wear this sweater
I'm a tolerant American and that's why I'm better
I embody the spirit of the Founders I know
'Cause I watch John Adams on the HBO

You can tax all my cash to help a stranger
But I'll sue City Hall if they put up a manger
I know the forty proper terms for Eskimos
And here's how the chorus goes …

It's the greatest, strongest country in the world
It's the greatest, strongest country in the world
All the men and all the women and all the genders in between
There's no one more compassionate than me

Yes, It's the greatest, strongest country in the world
It's the greatest, strongest country in the world
S.C.: My roll of toilet paper used up sixty-seven trees!
There's no one more American than me

J.S.: Except me!

I love America, and everyone in her
I'd invite Sidney Poitier to dinner
I'll defend anything any person says
S.C.: Unless it's Juan Williams or Rick Sánchez!

J.S.: You don't care about the gays!
S.C.: That's mostly true!
J.S.: You're terrified of Muslims!
S.C.: Well, they scare you too!
J.S.: But I would never talk about it, that would get folks annoyed…
S.C.: You're a coward!
J.S.: Yes, but I'm still employed!

It's the greatest, strongest country in the world
It's the greatest, strongest country in the world
S.C.: I love America from U.S.A. to U.S.Z.
J.S.: I'd marry Uncle Sam if I could do it legally
S.C.: I lull myself to sleep at night by counting detainees
J.S.: I use French words like croissant and bourgeoisie
S.C.: I love NASCAR half-time shows with tons of TNT
J.S.: My hybrid electric scooter gets one hundred m.p.g.
S.C.: From gay men who like football
Both: To straight men who like Glee

S.C.: From the shores of Idaho to the shores of Kentucky
J.S.: From New York to L.A. and all the in-between…

S.C.: From Washington to …
S.C.: From Kansas City to …
J.S.: From Illinois to …
S.C.: From Texas to …
J.S.: From Rochester to …
S.C.: From Minnesota to …
J.S.: From Alaska to …
S.C.: From South Carolina to
J.S.: New Jersey!

There's no more American
There's no one more compassionate
There's no one more American than we

Yes, it's the greatest, strongest country in the world
It's the greatest, strongest country in the world
It's the greatest, strongest country in the world
There's no one more American than we